1:
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Before using your mug for the first time, inspect it carefully for signs of ceramic hysteria. Do this in a darkened room so as to not alarm the face mug. A startled face mug may bolt through a cupboard, taking out everything in its path.
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2:
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Do not look directly into the face of the mug. Rectilinear viewing of a face mug may cause lightheadedness, dizziness, and transphylogenetic delusions . The growth of additional heads has not been unreported.
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3:
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Place the mug on a flat, level, earthquake-free, non-skid mobius surface, away from pets and small children who may become disturbed by the mug's presence.
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4:
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With feet firmly planted in six inches of topsoil, visualize pouring a liquid into the mug. Keeping the open end of the mug up, now fill the mug with your hot or cold beverage.
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5:
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Do not use mugs in direct moonlight and always wear protective eyegear. Enjoy your mug!
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Do not drink hot liquids while standing on your head.
Do not attempt to drink coffee through your nose.
Do not hit yourself or other sentient beings with a face mug.
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